Saturday, November 14, 2009

Why did the talking pinata cross the road with a boy carrying a baseball bat?

I have been collecting funny, vintage children's books for many years. And by funny, I don't mean ha-ha funny. I mean - Oh, my god, what were they thinking?! funny. Today I picked up these gems at a used book sale. Do you think that talking pinata should be a little bit worried that Todd is carrying a baseball bat while he thoughtfully explains the true meaning of sacrifice? What are the chances that road leads to a birthday party?
There is no way this picture book was not written with the help of hallucinogens. On page 2 it says..."The Creator of the World stopped by to see how things were going. She liked to wear disguises and had come as a porcupine, which caused a lot of trouble." But perhaps more troubling is the fact that the ants in the story speak in numbers and symbols. I'm not sure if they're swearing or if they're just from the colony of ants formally known as Prince.

The next little nugget I unearthed from the children's table at the book sale was a cute book called MISERY. Shall we play a game? It's called, WHICH ONE OF THESE PAGES DOESN'T BELONG?

Um...I don't know about you but I'm thinking the next page should read:

Misery is when you find out there's no such thing as Santa Claus BECAUSE YOU'RE READING THIS BOOK!

Wanna play again?


What the heck..? Is this some kind of sneaky anti-smoking campaign slipped into the pages of a kid's book!? Just how many young children were smoking cigarettes in the 1960's?

The book concludes with this touching page:

Aww...maybe we should ask the talking pinata to tell us just what real misery is...


  1. ha ha ha ha HA! Mr. Kotzwinkle is the Walter the Farting Dog guy, no?

    Some alternative spreads for the Misery Book:

    Misery is finding your book at a used book/library discards book sale.

    Misery is seeing your ruined self on Addiction all because you smoked that one gateway cigarette after reading that one children's children's book about smoking.

    Misery is reading crappy published books that are not self-published.

  2. LOL!
    I always expect to find one of my books when I'm sorting through the stacks. Yesterday was the last day so they were having a $5 bag sale. Everything was really picked over which is helpful when you're trying to find oddball books. I also picked up THE TALKING TURNIP, and HOW LAZY CAN YOU GET?

  3. I nearly pee'd myself laughing over the misery book. Misery is when you realize you're too old for Pampers and too young for Depends!

    I think we had How Lazy Can You Get? Is it a chapter book by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor?

    You must feel like you struck gold at the book sale!

  4. Believe it or not, my mother started smoking at age 7. Apparently, MISERY was aimed at her. She's since quit and saved us all a lot of misery.

    I laughed at the line: "Misery is the way you feel after your first cigarette." What is the message? Don't ever start or just wait until you've smoked your way through a whole pack, it gets better?

    Great post, Kelly. Thanks for the laugh.

    Kelly Barson

  5. Do you realize that stupid talking pinata MADE IT INTO Taco Bell kid's meals??? I couldn't believe it when I was reading it to my kids. How he got that deal, I'll never understand. AND it was a series. (And, uh, no. Todd never uses the pinata. LOL! I love the image of the bat and his little pinata friend!)

    Thanks for the laugh!!!

  6. I think you should write the companion book to Misery.

    Potential Title:
    Stop that Crying Right Now, Young Lady, or I'll Give You Something to Cry About

  7. OMG---that misery one is hysterical! And how did it ever get in print? Geesh!